Thursday, October 8, 2009

Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

FIRST TESTIMONY:



I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a bl*w j*b?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back.



My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.



SECOND TESTIMONY:



I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."



THIRD TESTIMONY:



My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.



As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.



I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.



The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.



FOURTH TESTIMONY :



While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.



To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,



"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"



The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.



The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.



FIFTH TESTIMONY:



Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch



in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.



Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.



I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.



So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"



This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled



"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,



he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!



LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:



This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

That was very funny!



I laughed so hard I spat my drink all over the keyboard!



Kids can say and do the darndest things, but I bet the news lady is careful from now on!



Thanks



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

Most funny I've read in ages



"Star"



Cheers



閳煎嚧fD閳?br>Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?



ok... inappropriate



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

I love them, best laughs I have had in a long time.



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

Omg, The 4th testimony and the one about the nuts were good. i feel terrible that happened to you, don't you hate it when you say something and people take it the wrong way.



LMFAO, better luck later on in life, stars



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

Those are hilarious!



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

ive heard the 1st thing before...rest is new and funny.



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

HALARIOUS!!!!!!!!....STAR!!



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

The last one was the funniest. Hahaha..."So, Bob..."



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

I have to admit those were good and I have heard a lot of jokes in my life but none was that funny I think you have a creer at this keep up the good work



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

Loved it! Thanks!



Open with caution...u will laugh im sure?

Hello Paddlepop.



Very, very funny. LMAO ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !



Regards,



Lenny.



PS: You've been starred.

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