True story ....?

If nothing else, this will give you a good soul cleansing laugh . . .

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,

painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the

wax.

Read on. . .

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,

play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next

few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits.

No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your

hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg

(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to

figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other

stuck together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the

hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I

lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin

extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the

ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of

my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down

to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!!

Blinded from pain!!!!....

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the

strip. CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIIIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe.................

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused

me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair.

The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!

I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now

covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped

upon the toilet?

I know I need to do something.

So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut!

My butt is sealed shut.

Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and

think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may

pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse

the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it

off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to

torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued

together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of

the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented

myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone

put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some

secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued

together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal

but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking

cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of

the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the

wax off with a razor .

Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot

wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then

dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm

pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this

event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my

friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs

up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my

grief and despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.

Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Tomorrow will be a better day.

True story ....?

That is GREAT!! Lol! I laughed and was shaking my head as I pictured her doing that! Too funny!!

Thank You!!

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Lol I got this in an email awhile back.

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stupidty is a privilage many abuse, i do hope you are not one of those who do so.

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maybe

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Thus the story of Chewbacca's mother begins.........

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Maybe you should put this in your blog.

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laughs omg...well i got my eyebrows waxed and the lady not only took the hair she ripped my skin off looked like i had some serious issues with eyeshadow fr 2 weeks

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OMG! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. That was hysterically funny, but horrible and sad. LOL. I'm glad you got it off. I'm sure you helped hundreds of women, or at least me. ...

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OMG!, OMG! OMG! OMG! LOL! LOL!

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lol. get a torch less pain.

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You poor soul. I feel for you, going through that. It was humorous but I'm too empathic to laugh (I'm still wincing). It's things like this that convince me to never ever shave or wax that part of myself.

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lolllllll this was so funny, really well written whoever did it. I havent grown enough balls to wax down there, and after reading this i dont think i ever will. haha

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that wasnt funny

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Wow thats quite a story. Might have ruined ur day but it made my night lol. I think thats the first time I have made a honest laugh today

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So was it worth all that work and pain ,to be hairless.

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holy crap

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pretty funny... However, I do feel sorry for you. Have you heard of Helium.com... you write articles and earn money for it. You should enter this.

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hahaha

i've tried those kinds of wax strips before too

except it was on my upper lip

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Hahaha...I am sorry you had to go through that. With that said I am also sorry that I am crying because I was laughing so hard.

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That's really funny.

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did this actually happen to you or did you get it from somewhere. either way it was really funny!

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Oh God, the pain of being female, and venturing on our own.... you made me laugh thank you. I remember something similar a long time ago. I believe I put the double strip in hot water before I used it on upper leg, bikini line area.... I've never ever waxed since.

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Oh that was so funny. I know it happened but you are a real good writer. by the way YOU stay AWAY from the hair dye!!! I mean it young lady!!!!

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your story just made my day, and gave me a good laugh... but i don't know how you did it, i get teary eyed just getting my eyebrows done...

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LOL!

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Oh my Goodness!!!!

I laughed so hard my sides hurt! This sounds like something I would do.

A word of warning. Never put a stuck super glue in your mouth and try to get the cap off with your teeth.

I tried this and you guessed it... Teeth, tongue and top lip glued together.

It's nice to know that I am not the only one that does silly things.

True story ....?

I feel bad for you. It sounds like you had a hard night. I'm so sorry for saying this but it was a funny story, I was feeling kinda sad so I decided to search yahoo for things to make me feel better. And this did it. Thanks and good luck next time you try anything new

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I read the whole thing you owe me 5 mins of my life back. I can't wait to read part 2.

5,815 characters

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I can totally see something like that happening to me! Oh my gosh....you did give me a laugh though!

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yeah, i can see someone actually doing that.

by the way, how lame can you be for your answer to be that it's too much of an effort to read that?

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WHAT???????